A Letter to Women Who Abuse Other Women

Dear Mommy Bully,

Yes, you.

I’ve seen you. Read your words.

Your violent, ugly attacks on women.

Women, some I’ve called friends, attempted to end their lives after reading your words.

If one of those women had been successful in her attempt to die, could it be your fault? Yes.

Your uninhibited, inconsiderate words do not make the world a better place.

You destroy others for your own gain. For entertainment.

You are a woman, abusing women. I know who you are.

For the sake of an ideal. For your own selfish satisfaction. For the sake of a moment of personal power.

You love this.

Think about what your words mean when they are read by the other mom. Do you even care? Would you care if she dies?

Why do I care?

Not long ago, “die@f-ckyou.com” wrote me this message:

“This world would be better off without you. I hope you die”.

Not long ago, it was my face on a meme.

Not long ago, they called me a bad mom.

I know fear well. I also know courage well.

And guess what… I also believe in shouting in the face of fear while imparting courage to others.

So… you… you person behind that keyboard saying whatever you think. Listen up. A keyboard and wifi does not give you the right to destroy & abuse women.

I don’t want my children to someday ask, “Mom, people were listening to you… why didn’t you say something?”

So, the rest of you. The silent ones. It’s time to shout truth. It’s time to surround the attacked and silence her abuser. Nobody deserves it.

Silence, even silence born of disgust, is approval. Silence is deafening.

Stand up for someone. Say something. Choose to shout in the face of fear and impart courage.

I can. And I did.

It’s your turn now.

Speak up, mom. You’re beautiful. You’re smart. You were created with purpose. Speak beautiful things. Build life. By building life in others, you’re building life in you.

Because you can.

#speakupmom #speakbeautiful

Jenn is the Founder and CEO of Cotton Babies. She holds an Executive MBA from Washington University. She was awarded Ernst & Young’s Entrepreneur of the Year award in the Emerging Category for the Central Midwest Region in 2011. Among many other awards, she recently received a 2017 YWCA Leader of Distinction Award for Entrepreneurship. Jenn holds many patents on various inventions in a number of different countries and is listed as one of 50 Missourians You Should Know. She is particularly fascinated by languages, chickens, and children (she has four) when she’s not reading economics journals.

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14 thoughts on “A Letter to Women Who Abuse Other Women

  1. It’s sad that adult women act like this. Even my littlest knows the old “if you don’t have anything nice to say…” spiel. T.H.I.N.K. – is it true, helpful, important, necessary & kind? Are these women raising the next generation of bullies or do they think online/adult bullying different? Or is it “do as I say, not as I do?”

  2. Yep. I know one on Facebook. She said she can “say whatever she wants” because it’s HER facebook wall. She does have similarly minded, also abusive, friends backing her up on her posts. I called her out and got bullied by all of them. Then she blocked me on FB. Best favor to me ever! She is a very angry person on-line and oh-so-fake in real life. I wonder what her kid will grow up to be like :/

  3. Ok I get this, and yes there are groups of people on FB who are just nasty! BUT what about going on a mission against WAHM’s who are just trying to make a living and trying to put them out of business? Does cottonbabies not make a ton of money regardless? That puts this company right there with Fuzzibuns when she claimed on an international TV show that Charlie Banana was the reason she wasn’t pulling in sales.
    What about putting China cheapies down? What about moms who cannot afford to pay $20 for a diaper? Do you not think they feel like inferior when they read these posts?
    And the washing advice given out? Instead of supporting each other regardless of our choices you tell people that these $20 diapers are too fragile to wash in regular detergent but need to be bleached monthly? Or that stripping needs Dawn dish soap. Dawn voids the warranty on wash machines and can break them.
    I liked my bumGenius diapers, but I won’t be buying anymore. I know you won’t publish this because you are just like the women on FB that you wrote this about.

    • You might find a business who has been asked not to use our intellectual property (a fair request), but Cotton Babies has never tried to put a WAHM out of business.

      Many of the China cheapies that are being sold in the cloth diaper market today are illegal. Moms who need less expensive cloth diapers have many legal affordable options. If they really can’t afford diapers, there are also many cloth diaper banks around the United States who will loan them a cloth diaper stash. I’ve encouraged moms asking about affordable options. I was that mom. I know what it takes to diaper a baby when you have nothing.

      As far as washing recommendations go, we will not recommend detergents designed to leave our product coated with chemicals.

      Sterilizing your diapers occasionally is wisdom.

      What you choose to do with your diapers is entirely up to you… and while I have provided information to help explain why we’ve made the recommendations that we’ve made, I certainly have never said anything that should make you, or any other mom, feel bad for making that choice. Your household. Your diapers. Your baby. Your choice.

      I’m sorry that you’ve been left with a different impression. I work hard to be sure that moms have everything they need… unfortunately, there are people in the online community who have created an alternate personality for me that simply isn’t based in reality.

      • Hugs Jen. We can’t communicate to everyone and help them understand. Some people lash out because they think your position makes you invulnerable. I used to be jealous of people who were strong, then discovered that strength is just the practice of courage and the heart of courage is letting others matter more to you than yourself. The very thing that makes you strong enough to model wisdom makes your heart break when people misunderstand. I had that experience today on a sn group I am on… We all communicate differently. So serve. Your father in heaven delights in your tender servants’ heart. Thank you for posting the bandana fold for fleece recieving blankets. That gave me the courage to cd.

    • Your use of knock off diapers supports the greed of the Chinese companies that are stealing not just the product ideas, but the jobs that come from those ideas.

      You have no way of knowing the cost of the materials, labor (insurance and benefits too), building costs (Rent, Power, Internet, Phones, computers, etc, marketing, and lawyers fees to defend against patent infringement from China. The questionable and often illegal comptetion from Chinese companies creates razor thin margins for all sizes of business in the US. I know this because I run my own small business. I frequently have to choose between standing by my principles or devalueing myself and my work to keep the lights on.

      The average income for a factory worker in China is $2600/year. They are treated like machines, worked long hours, and forced to endure hostile work enviroments. Even an American on minimum wage makes $15000/year in much better conditions.

      Dont complain about the cost of legally made, American made products that you can trust to be safe for your family when your alternative is made with slave labor often with “shortcuts”.

      The world is full of people that see, need, and want. Just because you “need” doesnt entitle you to copy someones legally protected design. You talk about SAHMs trying to make a living. There are legal ways to do this. It is bad enough to fight large companies overseas, much less, fellow citzens with who you can directly.

  4. Or people can quite being whiney and blame everyone else. It’s an opinion not something you have to cry over. This world needs to man up and stop getting offended by every little thing they read.

  5. When did we become so nasty as people that we have to go out of our way to bully others online. It’s one thing to have opposing views on a topics and have an amicable discourse but to act the way some of these ladies act is horrible.We all need to class up ladies, enough is enough. Jen, just remember…If people are trying to bring you down it’s because you’re above them. .

  6. I wholeheartedly agree with your words. “I’m done watching moms die inside. I’m also done watching moms try to die.” <—this part spoke to me, I was one of the moms, I am one of those moms. I see it everyday, I encounter it everyday. Success in one form or another tends to bring out the ugly side in people towards you. The words are often described as "keeping it real", when truthfully it is just really hurtful. Dissenting opinions can be had without the bullying and being ugly towards other women. We all share the common goal of just raising our children to be happy, healthy and eventually even happier, healthier and product adults.

  7. I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately too. What I want to say the most to the people who like to bully other moms is that, just because someone doesn’t do things the way you would doesn’t mean that they are doing things wrong. I’ve had people in real life tell me I’m “doing parenting wrong” because I’m not doing something the same way they would (my parents, old friends). It’s been rather stupid stuff too, like how I decided to babywear instead of using a stroller (because people apparently really care about how I go for a walk), or how I do EC with my child, or how I don’t do cry-it-out sleep training. Everybody has different parenting techniques that work for them & their own unique children. In the end, the child still gets to decide what kind of person they will be, so controlling every detail of how someone else parents their children is rather futile. One person letting their child cry-it-out isn’t going to mess that child up for life, my not letting my child cry-it-out isn’t going to mess him up for life either because both parenting styles teach children how to sleep & deal with emotions, they just teach the same concepts in a different way.